Simple ways to be a good listener

This article explains various ways to be a good listener. Never fill the silence with meaningless conversations. Never judge or interfere with the other person. The most important tip is to speak less and listen more.

Introduction

We can be good communicators. In such instances, we can express ourselves very finely to others. However, when we speak, we can only express ourselves. We cannot learn anything. We are already repeating what we know. To learn we have to listen. We have to keep our ears open for what others have to say. We have to have open communication where there is equal give and take. It means that we have spoken our mind and our words ignited something in the other person and now, it is his turn to share his valuable thoughts and opinion on the matter. When we listen to more and more people, we understand their values, beliefs, and truths and we widen our horizons. Some people are born good listeners. They do not have to make much effort. It comes very naturally to them. However, many struggle with it. It is because we are too attached to what we think and believe. It is why we don't want to listen to what others have to say, especially when their opinions do not match ours. Some of us want to listen to others but we don't know how to do it because sometimes we allow others to share what they want to share but we are rarely paying attention to their words. This article explains simple and effective ways to be a good listener.

Simple tips to be a good listener

Don't judge: When we judge a person, we are disrespecting them. We are considering ourselves superior and that is why we feel that our opinion about a particular matter is right. When we listen with such a firm opinion, we listen to the other person with a closed mind. We only judge what he is saying. We do not put ourselves in his shoes and then try to look at the matter from a different perspective. If we do that, we might be able to understand what he has to say and have a better understanding of his words. Thus, the first rule is to never judge a person or his perspective. Keep an open mind and try to get into the shoes of others and then understand or listen to what they have to say to get a better understanding.

Never interfere: When we listen, there is so much going on in our minds. If the other person is sharing his problem but not asking for help, we need to allow him to speak his mind. Instead of jumping into the conversation with some sort of advice or solution, we should only listen to his words. Sometimes we remember something and add our experience to theirs. All we want to do is share. We can do that but only after they complete sharing. Interference need not only to be through words. Sometimes interference can take place in the mind. We may not be speaking to the other person but we are speaking so much in our minds. When someone is sharing something, we might be narrating a similar experience in our minds. When we do that, we are deviating from the present moment. Not interfering means not only the lips but the mind has to be kept silent.

Don't fill in silences: Silences are awkward. Some people pause a lot and some people speak nonstop. A good listener is never scared of long pauses or silences. Thus, we should not jump in to fill something in those long silences. It is the time when the speaker is recollecting or processing something to say in his mind and if we cause a distraction to him by interacting with him, we will lose out on so much data. Instead, embrace these silences and not feel awkward about them. If we have to fill in these silences, we need to only ask questions that can bring relevant information to us and not distract the speaker from his insightful speech. Our questions should make a speaker share more with us and not withdraw from us due to any reason. In between conversations, we can nod a little letting the other person know that we are engaged and interested in knowing or listening to what he has to say.

Listen more: To be a good listener, it is obvious that we have to speak less and allow the other person to speak more. We might have lots of information to share but our objective is to become a good listener and thus, we have to hold ourselves back and let the other person shine. Engage in the conversation only to such an extent that it helps to extract more information from others and not lead the conversation to some other track. Do not wander in your mind about what to say next or process feelings about how you are feeling after listening to the other person. All this can wait. We may not agree with the other person, and we may not feel comfortable with what they are saying, but we need to bottle up our emotions and only speak when it is our turn to speak.

Conclusion

When we speak more and do not listen, we do not learn anything new. There is no point in repeating what we already know and expressing ourselves now and then and not gaining anything meaningful insight after a conversation. It is why heated arguments take place. It is because both parties want to speak their valuable thoughts and give insights on the matter. None of them wants to look at the other person's perspective. When we listen to others and only interfere with reasonable questions so that we can extract more insight into the matter, we derive so much information from them. We should never judge a person and instead try to look at others' perspectives by getting into their shoes. Silences can be awkward but in certain situations are necessary to process lots of information. Thus, never jump in with something to say. Let the long pauses persist for some time.